Flower Of The Mind

"Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume." - Jean de Boufflers.

We’ve all heard the quote; Ignorance is bliss. Basically, what you don’t know can’t hurt you. Or, the less you know, the happier you are. I prefer the word innocence instead of ignorance. Innocence is bliss. Just take a look at children. Yeah sometimes they go through random and unexplainable tantrums, but for the most part they are innocently beautiful and blissful. Why? Their lives are simple. They live contently. Their thoughts are pure and intentions are sweet. But as they get older and become increasingly aware of their surroundings as well as the pain and suffering in the world, they lose their envied innocence.

Today’s date marks a nadir in my life; the anniversary of the day I lost a brother and a lot of my innocence. As most people do when they lose a loved one, I went through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

I feel that after we go through this process, a part of us dies. Our core involuntarily learns to calmly repress certain feelings, emotions and sensations. We end up enfolding and carrying with us a bit of bitterness. We start watching everything around us from a neutral viewpoint; accepting reality as part of what is. In a sense, we learn to betray hope.

But somehow we have to move on and continue living. Because just like Anna Nalick put it; “you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable and life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button.” We just have to keep on breathing.

No matter how much we want to, there’s nothing we can do to bring back our loved ones in the physical form. But I know and believe in this. Our loved ones never truly pass away. They only will once we dismiss them from our memory. And for that reason, I will always cherish my brother and his precious memories.

I found this poem while going through some of my old stuff. I wrote it back in 2003 for a High School English Class.

Remember

Darkness swells in my eyes
In my mouth words soar
Rainbows disappear in the skies
And tears start to pour

Trying to understand is not easy
How the world can be so cold
Stealing souls away very scary
Not wanting to be told

My brother we’ll always remember
In our hearts he stays
He might be gone forever
But a part of memories remains

Trying to understand is not easy
How the world can be so cold
Stealing souls away very scary
Not wanting to be told

The moon can and will rise
The sun probably will set
The world might close its eyes
But I won’t ever forget

Trying to understand is not easy
How the world can be so cold
Stealing souls away very scary
Not wanting to be told

The other day, I observed a situation that was in a sense funny yet disturbing at the same time.

A close friend of mine was being nice and invited her mom out to brunch. Let me just say that those two never had the most ideal relationship and it had been weeks before they’d seen each other. It was that time for them to reunite before the span of their separation became awkwardly awkward!? Anyways, my friend decided to tag me along. As she came to pick me up, I could see the hesitation in her eyes but I tried to reassure her that everything was going to be JUST FINE!

And so we went and had a lovely meal. We thought everything was going just fine, until an old wound was unnecessarily poked and words of agony reached someone’s lips. As the ambiance began to turn into uncomfortably weird, I reached for my wine glass, started sipping repeatedly and sat back to watch what it felt like a drama show episode. I couldn’t help but notice my friend’s interesting face expression.

She had the most disappointed look on her face as if she’d seen the upcoming moment a thousand times already. I saw her brace herself as if she heard the beeping signal as a warning. Because a moment later, her mother backed it up like a truck and verbally dumped a ton of BS stress on my friend’s shoulders.

As I swallowed my urge to giggle at my interpretation of the situation, I thought to myself: why would a parent do that? How selfish and inconsiderate?

That moment was another reason added to my list of “why to think twice before having children of my own”. Especially after the mother finished it all up with her infamous statement; “you’ll never understand until you have kids of your own, and you’re a parent. THEN you’ll understand!”

I was so distressed; it was as if I was being told those things. I became mentally defensive, yet I couldn’t really say what I was thinking. But nothing is stopping me heeeeere (sarcastic childish emphasis on here). Why would anyone intentionally bring a human into this world knowing that one day they will turn into that kind of a parent and finally “understand?!” If having children means to be transformed into a beeping monster, I don’t know about you, but NO THANKS I say!

I’m strongly driven with the idea that childhood, upbringing and our surroundings affect us and mold us into the individuals we are today. And so I think it’s a shame how many – who don’t have the slightest clue about parenting – actually procreate. There should be a law…a test that has to be taken…a video to be watched! An awakening face slap! Something! Anything! Before people have children – or as I like to say – before people allow the soldiers to be released in the cave! Let that process for a minute…say whaaaat? Yup, that’s exactly what I meant ! But seriously now, seriously! Come on people!

Anyways, let me try and erase that image I just implanted in your minds and leave you with this quote. It always grasps my attention. It reminds me that those same people who aggravate us might actually be teaching us valuable lessons…though we don’t give them much credit, if any at all.

“I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers” – Khalil Gibran