Flower Of The Mind

“I have this thing where sometimes, at random times, I would think hard about myself…to find who I am…but then I realize, I don’t know who I am…it’s like I’m out there, I exist…but I don’t really know who I am!?”

A friend, who usually reserves feelings about oneself, shared this with me. I was then asked to blog about it. Ouuuuu, a challenge!

This is how I see it.

When young and fragile, we go through a phase where we struggle to find ourselves. Eventually, we become familiar with ourselves, grow to be stronger individuals and become comfortable as well as confident in our own skin.

I believe we all hold our own philosophy – even if we don’t know it. We acquire our philosophy through; the way we were raised, our surroundings and experiences, our own values, our personal fears and our past achievements or mistakes. This philosophy defines the way we live and why we do the things we do.

We just have to pay attention in order to unearth it. We can do so easily by listening to the choices we make – noting the way we think, feel and react to everyday situations. There are motives behind these choices derived from our philosophy.

Sometimes, we tend to overly identify ourselves with our history and what made us who we are today. This mindset narrows what’s ahead of us. When we rigidly define who we are, we limit ourselves and leave no room for development.

This stops us from realizing that tapping into our philosophy and understanding the reasons of what made us who we are today should actually grant us power.

Since we’re never really one thing or another – we are continually adapting, growing and morphing – that power can help us manipulate our own evolution. We can change our unwanted habits, refine the existing or introduce new ones.

Moral of the story: We all have a philosophy and should tap into it. Instead of a static snapshot, our identity should be viewed as a continuous process. We shouldn’t limit ourselves and rigidly define who we are: we might firmly believe one thing today but, reality is, a certain experience tomorrow might present us with new insights altering our previous values. We should remain flexible, leaving room for growth. We can be whoever we want to be! We just have to envision what we want and start making the necessary choices to transform ourselves.

Today I subtly observed how perceptions influenced the people around me. I noted how typically, the way others perceive us differs from the way we identify ourselves and how frequently we let others’ perceptions dictate us.

Sometimes, we take the positive reactions we receive from others for granted. Pride takes over and tells us: “we’re great! we’re awesome!” We start expecting the same reactions from everyone else. Our weaknesses or imperfections start to fade away until we even stop looking in the mirror for an occasional tune-up. And so, if someone doesn’t respond to us with the same amount of enthusiasm, we are doomed with shock.

Or it could be the other way around. It could be that we are instilled with so much negativity that we only focus on our flaws.  Our mind gets in the habit of deflating our strengths and abilities causing us to never seek out our talents. And whenever we receive a compliment, we find ourselves surprised.

Today I was reminded of a moment in my life where I had a mini epiphany. At one point in my younger days, someone’s perception of me came along which was a bit more powerful than the rest. It made me pause, step back and mentally say: “wait a minute!? what was that!?” But I gently ignored that thought and went about my merry way.

Little did I know, that thought simmered in my mind all day and later that evening when the curtains were closed – an idea came to mind. What if I were to make two lists; one of my self-perceptions and the second of others’ perceptions? And so I did. The first list was easy to fill but the second…a bit more limiting. As I struggled to come up with some content, I came to a realization. Well nothing I didn’t already know, I guess it was more of a confirmation.  Even if the others could guess a few of the points I made in my self-perceptions list, they couldn’t possibly see me in a way that “truly” represents MOI?! It’s simply because they haven’t walked in my shoes. I am the one who traveled through my journey, felt the joys or pains of my experiences, once actually was in my memories! That realization penetrated a sense of recognition in myself. I understood that looking inside and being satisfied with myself was what really mattered.

Not only did that boost my confidence but left me more compassionate towards others.

Deep down we all know this, but it bears repeating: If you allow someone’s perception of you to dictate or define you, then you don’t own yourself. You are the only one who can create reality, unless you give your power away. Don’t give your power away. Own Yourself!